No Such Thing As Free Yoga

Just stumbled across this gem in my drafts folder. Yes, I created this blog about a year ago… and then never posted. It didn’t take much perusing to realize that year-ago me was much cooler, and way funnier than present-time me. Basically, I want to be year-ago me when I grow up. (Except present-time me is better at yoga)

Spoiler Alert: The kick-ass friend I followed to yoga class in this post? She’s now a core-power yoga instructor, and even more kick-ass. Don’t believe me? Look at her Instagram. It’s the perfect level of awesomeness that leaves you unsure as to whether you’re inspired or feel bad about yourself. Ultimate kick-assery.(I’m not kidding. Look.)


You know what they say, “There’s no such thing as free lunch.” Well, I am coming to an end of my “free week” of yoga classes. Yeah.. I get it, I’m late to the game. I know what you’re thinking “I’m listening to this girl, who’s writing a post at 5 a.m., and isn’t even a regular yoga-goer (yet?) about a healthy lifestyle?” And to that I say… oh shut up.

Anyway, a new yoga studio just opened up in Georgetown. My friend and teammate (who happens to be, like, really intense at yoga) goes to the same studio back in her hometown, and because this girl is kick ass I obviously invited myself along to see what it was all about.

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Now, don’t get me wrong. This was not my first yoga class ever. Back in high school I actually used to voluntarily get up early for sunrise yoga before school with a friend and then-teammate of mine. (I know what you’re thinking- what a freak) But let me tell you something about sunrise yoga (at least sunrise yoga at my home gym — S/O Parrish Health & Fitness)… it’s relaxing. There is something really tranquil about welcoming the sun into the world with coordinated breaths and stretches first thing in the a.m. The level of difficulty may have had something to do with the fact that my friend and I were the only people younger than retirement age to take the class, but I’m not one to jump to any agist conclusions.

My first corepower yoga class was “yoga sculpt.” Wow. I consider myself to be a decently in shape person… but let’s just say I was about as unprepared as a seagull in a desert. I showed up with no mat, no towel, no water, and a false sense of confidence.

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“Sand? I got this.”

So, here are a few things I think everyone should know before their first trip to Corepower Yoga:

  1. Your instructor will kick more ass than you. But this is a good thing, right? Listen, this is how it goes. You’re gonna walk into the studio and see some really cute receptionist. She’s going to be in awesome shape and so you’re going to make the assumption that all employees get to take free yoga classes and that only someone at least vaguely obsessed with fitness would work at a yoga studio anyway. Be nice to the receptionist, because later, as you’re laying on your yoga mat ready to begin class, she will walk into the room and introduce herself as – wait for it – your instructor. If your ego is anything close to mine you’ll begin thinking about how you should become a yoga instructor. This thought quickly fades and halfway through the class is completely erased from your consciousness as your teacher jumps around yelling in an astonishingly cheerful tone while you slip in puddles of your own sweat. Where does she find the energy? Yep, she kicks more ass than you.
  2. Be Smart. Be Prepared. You think you can handle the heavier pair of dumbbells. Go lighter than your instincts are telling you. You’ll thank me halfway through the class as your quads are quivering.
  3. This is not a good first date. Seriously. You’re going to struggle. And you’re going to sweat. It’s not cute, so unless you are comfortable with looking like a wet cat – and smelling like a wet dog- around your date… invite someone else. Or just go alone.
  4. Have fun!! and GO! Your first week of classes is completely free of charge. They have mats and towels on location. And it’s not nearly as bad as I’ve made it sound… And it’s GOOD to have your ass kicked. Really, you have no excuse.

If you’ve been paying any attention, I know what you’re thinking now: “But you said there’s no such thing as free lunch yoga.”

You’re not going to pay a penny for your first week at core power. That’s the truth, no strings attached. But you’re gonna pay somehow. Me? On day 1, I paid with my calves. Ouch. On day 2, I paid with a nice, long 3 hour nap that afternoon. But hey, there’s nothing wrong with a little soreness and exhaustion. It means your workout…actually worked out!